Proof that common sense doesn't exist!

Animal of the Day:
Hi I turned in last weeks timesheet yesterday, will it be in my account tomorrow?

Me:
No because you turned it in late you will see it in your account next week.

Animal of the Day:
Does this mean I will get 2 checks next week?

Me:
Duh!

What I would've really like to say...

"Well since you turned it in late I will just have it deposited in my account!  Furthermore I think if you ask me stupid questions you should HAVE to pay me to answer the question... and YES there is such a thing as a stupid question!"

From now on when people ask what i'm doing this weekend, im going to say - KNIT. I'm going to stay in my house all weekend and knit!

Dearest Coworker  -

I'm sorry you can't believe I rode 200 miles.  I don't know what else to tell you.

Why you should always keep your office door locked....

Dearest Creepy Employee Looking For A Job - 

Please don't walk into my office and occupy 20 minutes of my life asking me the same question over and over and over in 500 bazillion different ways.  I don't know how many different ways I can tell you I don't have access to the job posting site as the WHOLE COMPANY is locked out... Furthermore, no you cannot just become a recruiter because you wish it!

P.S. I'd like the last 20 minutes of my life back!

Why your job should NEVER do a system change over a holiday weekend

Dearest Employer -

One of these days it would be nice to walk into work, turn on my computer and be able to log onto ALL systems needed to do my job and not pull my hair out in frustration or sheer boredome!

Much appreciated for hopefully preventing premature balding!

Why you should never let anyone know where you work...

Dearest Bar Acquaintace -

Just cause we work at the same company, it doesn't authorize you to constantly ping me all day with your HR problems... just cause I work in HR, doesn't mean I have the answers!